Day 17

Today was a little better than yesterday. Of course no paramedics were called, so it was probably saintly compared to yesterday. I still haven't gotten to any of my projects, but I hope to fix that this weekend at the latest. There's so much to do in the next two months, I just can't seem to get myself motivated. 


Tiny Baby has been pretty happy. Still keeps his binky around, though. Poor little guy misses his Daddy so much. I play some videos we had made for him every now and then so he wont forget his Daddy's voice, and show him pictures still. I am going to start uploading videos of me and Tiny Baby for him to watch when he is in AIT, here shortly. They will be on youtube, so if you want the link for it, let me know. He has been very vocal lately, mostly yelling AHHH at me, but he says MMM every now and then, and said MAMA twice since Cody left. He is also pulling himself up in his playpen now and looking over the side at me like "Hey! Lady!" It's awful cute. 


Me, eh. I'm kind of in a numbness at this point. I have my good days, my okay days, my bad days, and my oh shit kill me now days. Mostly the last two, but I am okay. I have to be, for Cody. He wants and needs me to be strong, and yes I fall apart and wish him to come home, but I am supporting him with every ounce of strength I have. I am sending him a package tomorrow, with pens, stamps and pictures, as well as a REALLY long letter. 


My house is a mess, my car doesn't work, my phones are about to be shut off, as well as internet and utilities, and rent is due on the first. No paycheck has come yet. BUT, I'm not too freaked out. It will work itself out, or at least level out at some point. 55 more days until family day, which means 53 until I leave for it. Whether I like it or not, I'm going to make it. I just wish I could see the road there clearly enough to be okay. I'll get there. 


Oh and I tried canned oysters today, since Utah has no fresh southern food. All I have to say is GOD I HATE BEING LANDLOCKED. Yech. 


Anyway, Cody I know you will be reading this at some point, and I hope you are okay and getting enough sleep and food. Tiny Baby and I miss you SO SO much and hope you miss us too!!!