Technically I am writing this on Day 2, very early in the morning, but I figured it must be done anyway. The past twenty-four hours have been a kind of hell for me. After saying goodbye to my husband, and nearly tearing my heart in two walking away from him, I spent the rest of the night in a crumpled heap in my bed, crying harder than I ever have in my life. The baby also knew something was wrong, his daddy wasn't home. He would wake up screaming throughout the night.
When I finally managed to get up this morning, thankful to my brother for watching the baby so I could get a few hours sleep, I felt like a weight had landed on my head. I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to sleep until Cody comes home. But my baby needed me. So I went upstairs and tried my best to play with him. All day and evening he refused to eat or drink almost everything. But we finally got him to eat some of his puff things. He wouldn't nap, either. He wanted to be held or played with all day, or he would cry his poor little heart out.
Shane went and got donuts for me, trying to cheer me up, and even picked up Anna. Sadly though, these did little for my heart. I am glad for them being there and trying, but its so much harder than I thought this would be. Yes I am bitter about the military. I have never liked the military, because it took my mother (and my stepfather) away from me for long periods of time. Which I am terrified it will do to my Little Man. I don't want him growing up wondering why his Daddy isn't home... I made some hot wings for dinner, apparently I made them well because they were gone almost as fast as I made them.
Some things I need to admit. I am bitter about this whole situation. I am afraid Cody will come back a different person, one that either doesn't want me, or that I will fear the rest of my life. But one thing I am determined about, maybe two things; I am going to try and be ok through all this, for my husband. Because he does so much for me, I can at least support him to my best ability. Because I love him. More than anything. Also, I am determined to be healthier, and hopefully skinnier, when my hubby returns. To show that I can be ok. I love you Cody. And I hope you are doing alright. I will be sure to post a Day 2 later today.
Love Always,
Pretty Lady and Tiny Baby
You can do it. You have your family and friends here to help you out and try to distract you from him being away.
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