Day 9

Suck. That's all I can say. I suck. I had such a breakdown last night that I nearly called my mother to put me in a psyche ward. I don't understand why this is hitting me so hard... All I want is him to come home... 


Anyway... Tiny Baby decided around 2 AM this morning to call me Mama, when he woke up and whimpered for me. It made me feel like he is missing his Daddy more than I thought. He's beginning to explore different fruits and steamed vegetables with his mesh eating thing, and likes so far; mango, banana, pears, cantaloupe and steamed carrots. He's such a good eater. He's taking less bottles now and eating more substantial foods now. He smiles at his Auntie Tori, his Auntie B.B. and his Grandaddy. It's so cute how much he loves people. I adore my little man. I am already planning his birthday party! 


I got the folding table cleaned up and all the clean laundry folded, hung or set aside for sorting. The kitchen is cleaned up, our room is mostly cleaned up and almost ready to rearrange. Woohoo. Tiny Baby and I went to Tori's for dinner and visited. And then we went to my moms and visited there so dad could give us a ride home. 


There's not much to tell about today... I was disappointed when I went to the mailbox and only found junk mail. I can't bear to be around anything or anyone that reminds me of Cody, or I fall apart... This is insane. One second I am fine, and the next I feel like utter crap. I am so sick of this... No matter how hard I try I still fall apart!!! 


I dunno what to do. Hopefully soon I will figure something out, or I swear my heart is going to give out with the strain of the panic. :( Anyway, I really hope Cody is doing ok and contacts me soon.... We love you, Cody and hope you are enjoying yourself and learning some cool stuff...