Day 4

So today was no better than the last three days on my part. It made me realize just how much I really suck. I woke up crying, that's how much. Every time I looked at the baby, or walked into my room, I'd cry. I tried to clean and keep myself busy, but it just seems like everything is against me in that aspect. When trying to clean, the water in the sink and shower began to back up so I cannot wash anything, including myself! And I can't go anywhere because my car is currently shut off. So now I have to get those looked at. We are running out of food, too. This whole situation has left me feeling abandoned, because Cody left without much planning and we have no money to fall back on. 

I'm doing the best I can to keep us afloat, though. Called WIC, the car place and even tried to get an appointment with the bishop in my ward. I feel bad because I can't pull it together... I try and try and then suddenly fall apart again. I think not being able to talk to Cody is what hits me the most. Our house is a disaster, it seriously looks like a tornado hit it, and I want to fix it, but I look at it and keep putting it off because it seems so much on top of everything else. 

The baby is doing great. He is moving so much more each day. He's started standing up using anything he can hold onto, and even started sharing things with me. This morning, though, he scratched my face pretty good, and I cried even more. He's getting really strong. He can grab his Daddy's temporary dog tag around my neck and tug until it chokes me, just so he can eat the tag!! He's so cute, and he LOVES his ouffs and cookies. He shoves the whole pinwheel cookies in his mouth, so I have to watch him with those. 

I started reading The Hunger Games last night, not gonna lie, it's kind of boring. Reminds me a lot of Hatchet. But I will finish reading it anyhow. 

I'm staying at the inlaws tonight, Tom and Tori invited me over to get dinner and watch movies, so we went to Zupa's and I got a tomato basil soup with orzo pasta and a BBQ chicken salad, as well as a mangoberry creme brulee. The creme brulee was delicious, the salad ok and the soup GROSS! Haha. It had too much basil in it, so much I got a chunk of basil leaves every time I took a bite. Trust me, not pleasant. Tomorrow I go to talk to the car people about how they are going to help me until Codys first paycheck comes through. URGH. Dealing with bills and the people that hold them SUCKS. 

Jeebus I miss my husband... Cody I love you SO much, and wish you were here. Tiny Baby misses you just as much, he loves looking at pictures of you and smiles when I ask if that's you in the picture. Please write soon... or call... anything...