Day 2

Day 2; more hell and less smiles. I got to text my hubby most of the day, and he did his damnedest to make me feel better. Unfortunately, it didn't help much. He was stuck at the airport all day after getting stuck the night before, and had to sleep in the USO offices. All day he had to wait for his shuttle, and did not get to the base until late this evening. I was grateful for the extra time to talk. The baby isn't doing any better about eating and sleeping... I'm starting to worry about him more. He is so attached to his daddy and I, but with his daddy gone, I don't feel like he loves me anymore.


Anytime I try to cheer him up, feed him or hold him, David screams at me and tries to squirm away... He gums my face like hes trying to bite me, and spits his food at me. He eats a little for Uncle Shane and even smiles for him and Auntie Tori... But for me, it's like it's all my fault. I swear my baby hates me now... 


Everyone is trying to cheer me up, but it doesn't seem too help. I feel like half my heart is in a whole other state. Which means I can't fecking breathe. It feels wrong. I tried to cheer up the baby today. I printed off and framed some pictures of the baby, us and his daddy, and he smiled when he saw them... It hurts that I can't hand him to his daddy when he's crying for him... I did have a thought, though. I am going to see about printing, laminating and hole punching some pictures of his daddy and putting them on a ring for him to play with.


I haven't gotten anything accomplished the last three days. I tried to write, but my brain shut down, tried playing games, but I couldn't think straight and just kept hurting my scores instead of improving. We've run out of money from Cody's last paycheck, so we are taking the car back to the lot, sending our tv back to RAC, and cutting my phone back to a cheap brick. That is if we can afford to keep the phones on till his first check comes in. We are still waiting on the insurance stuff too... I feel like this whole thing has made our situation worse... 


This evening, when he finally made it to the base, he called me for ten seconds to tell me he was safe... Then hung up. I never got a chance to say I loved him, he was just gone like that. I wish I knew how things really worked and what he could and couldn't do, and when he could call me... I hate waiting and sitting around. This sucks. 


All I can do is hope something changes...